My friend said to me yesterday that the problem with being disappointed when a plan doesn’t work out with someone is that they didn’t know about the plan, and therefore, how can you really have an issue with it falling through?
It’s strange how we live in a time where you can’t be honest about what you’re thinking or how you feel: being keen is the last thing people want in a relationship. So being gutted when evenings don’t turn out how you wanted them to is redundant; how were they meant to know what’s in your head? This is especially true when you don’t make it clear what you want, I suppose this is why people flirt – to make intentions apparent without being verbal.
But what about rejection?
It can be daunting putting yourself out there – you may get rejected and then you’re back to square one. At least with a plan in your head, there can be any number of possible endings, it just depends whether it’s worth the risk.
Watching First Dates on 4OD, one guy mentioned he’s terrified of rejection. And although I consider myself confident and am more than happy to put myself out there, after the start to the year I’ve had, I’m beginning to give up on making the effort – there’s certainly a threshold to the amount of “no’s” one can hear! Maybe this bloke has heard one too many…
Have I just created a paradox? On the one hand, make your intentions clear – if all your plans are locked away in your head, and the other person is clueless to them, then no wonder you’re alone in bed. But on the other hand, being keen hasn’t worked out so far. I would have thought that as I get older, there are fewer games to be played, but there’s still an expectation that you should wait to text back; seeing those three dots as soon as the message has sent screams: desperate, bored – boring even. And I’ve found this to be truer the more you like the other person – how on Earth does that even make sense?!
At least in person, there’s immediate feedback – it’s evident if you click or not. First Dates certainly has merit – people meet for the first time, have a drink, dinner and hopefully scintillating conversation. If they don’t get on; they’ve wasted an hour or so of their evening, none of the hassles of weeks of texting.
So I’m going to try something new. Next time I see someone I like, I’ll make it clear – I’ll try not to appear keen or desperate, but I really dislike the 17-year-old attitude to getting to know someone, especially at the age of 23.
Wish me luck…..?