My friend said to me yesterday that the problem with being disappointed when a plan doesn’t work out with someone is that they didn’t know about the plan, and therefore, how can you really have an issue with it falling through?
It’s strange how we live in a time when it can be favourable to conceal what you truly want from a relationship: being keen is deemed unappealing. So feeling disappointed when an evening doesn’t turn out how you planned is pointless; how was the other person meant to know what’s in your head? Perhaps this is why people flirt – to make intentions apparent without being verbal.
But what about rejection?
It can be daunting putting yourself out there – you may get rejected and then you’re back to square one. At least with a plan in your head, there can be any number of possible endings, it just depends on whether you deem it worth the risk.
Watching First Dates on 4OD, one guy mentioned he’s terrified of rejection. And although I consider myself confident and am more than happy to put myself out there, considering the last few months, I’m beginning to feel reluctant to make the effort. There’s certainly a limit to the number of “no’s” one can hear! Maybe this bloke has heard one too many…
Have I contradicted myself? On the one hand, I’m suggesting we make our intentions clear, but on the other hand, it’s best to conceal eagerness. I would have thought that as I get older, there would be fewer games to be played, but there’s still an expectation that you should wait to text back; seeing those three dots as soon as the message has sent screams: desperate, bored – boring even.
Finding that balance between keen and cool is no mean feat. It depends on the people and the dynamic. And whilst we should all promote being true to ourselves, there’s (sadly) an element of game playing in the world of dating. (They don’t call it the “dating game” for nothing.)