A sexual history by numbers

1. We were together for 7 years.  Pretty wonderful, really.

2.  This was a little weird.  A different man’s body.  You were so fucking awkward afterwards.

3 and 4.  A fun night all around…

5.  The first one-night stand.  Nothing was okay about this.

6.  Gorgeous, younger.  A complete laugh.  We would continue hooking up over the rest of my time at Uni.

7.  It was a toga night.  The next morning you refused to leave in your toga.  I recruited housemates to help boot you out.

8.  A bi girl and a bi guy.  We had a lot of fun.  And it was weirdly romantic for a one night thing.

9.  You were a friend of a friend.  Good looking, fab body and an all-round cool guy.

10.  Oh Brighton.  This is when I knew I had to live here.  Hands-down the best sex to date – including, but not limited to – laughter, falling-off the bed, roughness, tenderness and constant, constant sex.

11.  Oh how the mighty have fallen.  The 3-day sex jaunt we had planned was shattered as soon as I saw you waiting for me at the station.  What.  Was.  I.  Thinking?!

12.  I can barely remember you.  But I do know that you had a big bath (a rarity in University housing) – and this is what I needed to help my kidney pain.  Thanks for letting me use your bath…

13.  We were very drunk.  We slept together.  We haven’t spoken since.  Definitely learnt my lesson to not sleep with a straight girl.

14.  Phwoar.  Personal trainer, boxer, lifeguard, beautiful human.

15.  Not so.  But a kind, fun guy.

16.  We met in a Brixton club and all the signs were there for this to be an excellent start to a phenomenal relationship.  Until you didn’t text.

17.  Once again, not a good one.  Regret?  Maybe.

18.  This was Prince Charming (see ‘It’s been a long, hot summer…‘).  Hot, hot stuff.  Then I discovered more about your personality.  Still…

19.  A rebound.  No fire between the sheets.

20.  A drunken decision.  But one we kept making again and again.

21.  Best mates / Fuck-buddies.  I’m keeping my fingers crossed this could be more.

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