I have also always wanted to be a Mummy. Growing up in a big, loving family has given me strong family values and when I was younger I presumed I’d be married with a baby on-the-way by the time I turned 27. Evidently, this is not looking likely. And I’m surprised at how little this has phased me over the past few years.
Since I was 15, 27 has been my ‘scary-age’
whereby if I don’t have this, this and this ticked off by then,
I’m gonna panic.
Having fun at Uni and having a good start to my career has put me off reproducing for a few years and being 25 is turning out to be better than I anticipated:
- My social life isn’t covered in a cloud of peer pressure any more
- My friendship circle is full of people who I actually want to be friends with, not just because they’re cool
- I can assert my right to say ‘no’ to things, ‘No, I don’t want a head massage, thank you; just shampoo and conditioner is fine.’
- Sometimes, a Friday or Saturday night can consist of tea, BBC iPlayer and my onesie. And bed by 10pm
- Everything in my wardrobe suits my figure
- My ‘scary-age’ is 2 years away. But it’s really not that scary anymore.
At least it wasn’t, until recently.
For the past 25 years, health has not been my friend. I was born with a heart defect and as I journey through my twenties issues are manifesting themselves. As The Eternal Optimist, I’m remaining positive – although my mum keeps checking in to make sure I’m not depressed or suicidal. The recent manifestation has be a fertility issue:
“Having children won’t be impossible, but it’s going to be very challenging”
Said the hospital technician.
I still haven’t found out the full extent of the baby-making problems, but I know it’s not looking great…
In her book Sex Object, Jessica Valenti noted:
The things you do in your twenties are just things you do. But as you approach thirty what you do starts to become who you are.
This rings true for me in so many ways. I’m a true believer that personality is pretty set and you learn who you are and you shape yourself through childhood, teenage years and into early adulthood. When I first read this, I texted my friend with how this quote is so applicable to one of my exes: he went through the fun times of being a teenager and early twenty-something, but he’s still doing these things and now it’s ingrained in who he is. Therefore – not suitable Husband Material. Likewise, 10 years my senior, The Bar Man is not Boyfriend Material.
But I’ve also realised it isn’t just what I do that determines who I am, it’s also what happens to me and how I deal with it. Knock-down has followed knock-down in my dating life. Boys haven’t been kind and my stead-fast resilience has been tested.
And then we add fertility complications to the mix.
Being 25 and single is totally fine. And I’m enjoying dating people and seeing what happens. But I think I’ll now be a little more discerning when choosing someone to date; I can’t waste the latter half of my 20’s with fuckboys.