I haven’t given up with Bumble; I’m still being swipe-happy (see 5 ways to get guys to respond on Bumble). But I’m taking it all with a massive pinch of salt.
The likelihood that I will find my future boyfriend on a dating app is very slim, so I’m having fun using them (the dating apps, not the guys….I think…) I swiped right on the kind of profile you usually find on Tinder, not Bumble – it was a couple who were interested in a threesome. The guy began chatting and it turned out he wasn’t interested in a threesome with the other girl anymore because she is ‘really fussy‘; he was actually looking for a girl now. We exchanged numbers quickly and began messaging.
He was upfront from the start. He sent over his list of what he’s looking for and it seemed like he wants a friend who’s a girl, who’s almost a girlfriend and definitely a good shag. Then it seemed that he wasn’t looking for a girlfriend:
Did I want to go round for a day of filthy sex?
Not really – I’m not after a fuck buddy. I’d prefer a boyfriend.
Can I tell him exactly what I’m into regarding sex?
Nah – you’re a stranger.
Did I want a threesome this weekend?
Even if I did, that wasn’t possible because I was busy.
What the fuck are you after, mate?! So are you after fuck buddies, friends with benefits or a girlfriend?
Surprisingly, he said he wants something more serious than just excellent sex. Then he started with the explicit sex chat again. I’m all up for a sext, but not if I don’t know the guy. I told him he has to date me first. We all know I have jumped into bed with guys too early, so my new rule is to not sleep with guys on the first date (clearly I created this rule after F****** the Fuckboy, and obviously lots of girls already have this rule…)
It was no mean feat to draw the conversation back to standard chat rather than sex, sex, sex, but he remained interested for a constant stream of texts over Saturday, despite frequently requesting I go to London. We made a plan for the Sunday. To be honest, I was going to cancel anyway; I had no intention of heading to London last minute, especially as I had a chilled weekend planned.
By 3:30, he messaged to say ‘something has come up‘ and he can’t do drinks that day. Of course this meant I didn’t have to be the one to bail, but in hindsight this meant that his cock had come up, and he had made other plans with other girls to shag (can I give him points for honesty..?)
Since then, we’ve been messaging: he’s been sending text questions, I’ve been asking about his day. He’s sent pictures of ‘hot’ girls to have a threesome with, I’ve said how pretty she looks. Amazingly, drinks on Saturday are set to happen and I’ve been very clear I will not have sex with him that night.
However, he does keep texting with suggestions of girls to sleep with together.
Should alarms be ringing?
Oh hang on, he’s just messaged suggesting we go to a gallery for a date.
Note to self: DO NOT SHAG HIM.
Things are on the up.