Single Millennials have dug themselves a grave.
We’ve created a hook-up culture where, if we’re not willing to participate in an NSA (No-strings-attached) relationship, someone else will. We can have free sex whenever we want it. Women have fought, and continue to fight, for the right to be as sexually liberated as men and not be deemed a ‘slut’. In 2017, if our sex drive is through the roof, we can meet up with a friend or stranger who’ll satisfy us – we don’t need a relationship. Being such a woman, I relish in the availability of sexual partners on offer.
Although the sex we’re having is the same, it plays out differently for men and women. Men are applauded for racking up the numbers. Women are judged and shamed.
With a bountiful array of contraception on offer and feminist thinking becoming increasingly mainstream, you’d think female sexual exploration would be more accepted, but the reality is that women aren’t respected for their sexual experience. The more experience in sex we accumulate, the less valued we seem.
Rather, it should be a different way; if I gain more experience in sex, I should be more valued as a woman. I feel sexier in myself, I feel more confident in my feminine charm and I am more able to engage in meaningful, enjoyable sex. Yet, insofar as you’re a woman:
more sex =
But I can’t help but think that we’ve shot ourselves in the feet. Our openness for sex (please pardon the unintentional, somewhat vulgar, pun) has spoiled our chances of securing a committed relationship. I am certainly not abdicating any responsibility for this culture; I have fully participated in it and we all know how that’s ended up. A male friend recently said, ‘guys will say nearly anything to get you into bed’. I didn’t have the heart to ask if he meant me specifically or women in general… It’s depressing that many guys are willing to completely obscure the truth for a shag, and it’s partly because so many girls will believe a guy when he assures them that having sex on the first date isn’t going to make him think any less of her or make him hard to pin-down for a second date.
And despite friends and family promoting the wait until date three rule, this isn’t going to change anything. If a guy’s aim is to date, shag and chuck a girl, he’ll do it after date one or date five. What I’ve learnt over the past few years is you CANNOT change a man.
And it turns out that our hook-up culture is now starting to impact our casual flings, too. I remember hooking up with The Bar Man and whilst in bed he asked whether I had time for a boyfriend. Ignoring all the facts of him being totally unsuitable as a boyfriend, he was the one to ask if I wanted to date him (!!!) and then he ghosted me until he was drunk and horny a few months later. [Because I was drunk and horny when I received his text, I was an idiot and invited him over – but that’s another story].
Men in their 20’s seem less likely to commit to a relationship than our parents’ generation when they were younger. The internet and dating apps certainly have something to answer for this; facilitating sexual freedom.
There’s going to be a backlash.
Says my mum.
And god, I hope she’s right.
There’s going to be a whole lot of single, lonely 30-year-olds if we’re not careful and I really don’t want to be a part of that.
How do we avoid this?
- As a female collective, we stop offering sex as carelessly as we have so far.
- As a male collective, you stop expecting sex on the first date and you stop thinking a girl is a prude if she doesn’t put out on the first date.
- As a human collective, we stop judging girls who do have sex on the first date because it feels right.
- As decent people, we stop ghosting each other and be honest about what we want and how we feel.