The wrong guy.

What we had came about so easily.

We met through a friend!

Our first date was fun and chilled (it was novel having a coffee date when all I’ve had is drinking dates).  Being honest, I was going to cancel because I was interested in someone else – but he turned out to be a ghost, just like the rest of them.  Having another guy who had engaged my interest meant I was relaxed and laid back and didn’t need a glass of wine; I didn’t have the pre-date butterflies.  You looked just like my ex, ‘Of course he does!  You have a type – that’s why I set you up with him‘, my friend said on the phone after.  I left our date beaming.  You seemed like a genuinely nice guy.  You ticked a lot of boxes and you were friendly and chatty.  You were nervous, and talked about yourself mainly, but we had common interest in travel and our mutual friend so I was interested in what you had to say.

A few days after our coffee date, we had a pub date, which turned into dinner.  We talked about your new flat purchase (tick), your grown-up job (tick), your impressive degree (tick), your travel plans (tick), your spontaneity (tick) and your ideas of a fun weekend  – they matched mine (so another tick).  You paid for dinner, which was lovely and we enjoyed an after-dinner drink.  The cab home was cute as we played with each other’s fingers and we had a little kiss when we parted ways outside my house.

We messaged every day when I was in Ibiza and we had another coffee date when I touched base in Brighton before jetting off again to Rhodes the next day.

We messaged every day when I was in Rhodes.

There was no agony of waiting for a message from you; you were interested and that was obvious.  I didn’t need to stress about blue ticks or ignored messages.  There was no game playing, if we had our phones in our hands when we received a text, we messaged back, we didn’t need to wait 3 hours.

Then we had another type of date I’ve never had: a cinema date.  Hand holding, leg stroking and cheeky sideways glances meant things were hotting up.  We had hoped to go for dinner after, but at 11pm the kitchens were closing.  ‘Come back to mine..?’, I asked.

In all our dates so far, you mainly spoke about yourself.  You rarely asked questions and you brought the conversation back to you each time I talked about something different.  In all our dates so far, you were sensible, serious and keen to impress.  In all our dates so far, I imaged you’d be crap in bed.  Surely nice guys can’t be good in bed…!

So our first night together took me by surprise.  Wow, you knew what you were doing.  You were all the things I wanted you to be and I went to sleep very happy indeed.

A few days later, we had another dinner date.  I had a stressful day at work and needed to talk it out with you.  You didn’t want to listen – I heard all about your education and upbringing and couldn’t get a word in edge-ways.  During general conversation, you asked, ‘so tell me about you…’ Vague statements like this make it hard to know what to say; it felt like a default statement when you realised you had talked at me for half an hour.

I was starting to feel fed up and like you wanted me with you to indulge in your ego.  Then we had a lovely evening at yours.  You cooked for me, you asked me questions and we engaged in conversation.  We played card games and listened to my favourite music.  You walked me home.  I felt things were looking up and I could genuinely see us developing into boyfriend and girlfriend.

This was short lived.

What I hoped would be a night of comedy and laughs turned out to be a crap date.

I laughed my head off at the comedy show, but didn’t giggle over dinner.

 

Then the sex turned bad.  Really bad.  I was disengaged and put no effort in.  I even told you to stop and get off.  This is not a good sign.

The poor sex, the incessant talking about yourself, the lack of interest in what I had to say…all of this meant my estimation of you was going down hill.  Polly Vernon says you should never indulge a man who doesn’t listen / ask questions and prompt back.  She reckons guys who are self involved are bad in bed.  And you proved her right.

Fortunately, we have ended on good terms – you noticed something was missing too.

What our almost-relationship has taught me is that I am not desperate for a boyfriend.  It is better to be on my own than with the wrong person.  I’m 26 and I don’t want the right guy to go past me whilst I’m spending time with the wrong guy.  Ticking lots of grown-up boxes is nice, but the physical attraction box is crucial.  I’ve also learnt that personality can make up for a lack of physical attraction, but the personality needs to be something special.  Sadly, I didn’t find this guy’s personality anything special.

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