I’m a nice girl, not a bitch.

In a moment of weakness, I texted my ex the other day.  This time last year, he told me he had got his shit together.  He said he stopped all the drugs and alcohol and had a better job.  We all know this only lasted 2 weeks.  But scrolling through his Facebook page stalking him the other day, it seemed as though he really had stopped his old ways.  He’s moved to London.  He has a new job and regular hours.  And he’s still single.

Fortunately, it was a casual text, asking how he is and how London life was treating him.  He’s read it and not replied.  But funnily enough, this hasn’t had the same effect as this usually has.

Maybe I instinctively knew that striking up a conversation would be a bad idea.

And then I saw his Snapchat story update and I realised I had an idealised image of him in my head (coupled with my other guy being a bit M.I.A).  My ex is still smoking-up with mates.  So maybe he’s not quite what I want him to be…

Caitlin Moran says we should never be with someone we think we can mend.  When problems started cropping up, I thought I could fix them.

I couldn’t, so we broke up.  Then he seemed to be fixing his own problems himself.  He wasn’t.  So we broke up again.  Do I honestly think I can fix him again..?  Of course, I won’t be able to.  And quite frankly, it won’t be fair on him if we get back together to satisfy my want for cuddles.  I know I’ll break up with him (again) as soon I see his true nature (again).  Seeming to be kind to reignite a relationship would be pulling a blanket over something really, really unkind – to both him and myself.  And I’m a nice girl, not a bitch.


Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash



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