How To Have Sex Without Family Hearing… A Festive Guide to Fucking

You’re heading home for Christmas.

Your partner is in tow.

You’re so excited for all the romantic, festive sex you’ll have.

Then one of you remembers there’s a baby sister and a dog to avoid…

So, how do you have sex without your family hearing?

Here are my Top Tips for Festive Fucking:

  • If you share a floor with family members or your bedroom backs onto your parents’ bedroom, you may want to keep the wild shagging to a minimum and practise quieter coitus over the holidays.
  • When you do decide to get jiggy with it, shut the door – lock it if you have one – and work hard to stifle the moans and grunts.
  • Making sweet, sweet love by the fire after champagne and a festive feast sounds idyllic… until Grandad walks in. It’s romantic but try and resist the urge until the family are out or you rent a cottage in the Cotswolds.
  • A shag in the shower will help stifle the sounds of passionate sex – and no clean-up after!
  • Pop out for a “walk” or to do “some jobs in town”. Grab a blanket and ride his gearstick.
  • Don’t head off for a quickie when it’s the final stages of getting the dinner on the table – the Head Chef in the house will go ballistic.

What other advice do you have to enjoy sex when home for Christmas? Comment below!

Photo by Uriel Mont from Pexels

3 Comments Add yours

  1. Gags and blindfolds to spice it and keep the volume low?

    Liked by 1 person

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