Last week, my boyfriend and I tried tantric sex. We’d been talking about it for a while, but I was a little apprehensive about the intimacy of it because we haven’t been together for long. Rather than being awkward or amusing, it was an incredibly intimate experience that deepened our relationship. Needless to say, we’ll be returning to this form of sex again and again.

True proponents of tantra lament the modern view of the ancient practice. They say it’s been sexualised and disconnected from its original principles. They may be right – traditional tantra centres around deities and spiritual energy – but the confusion lies in the idea of masculine and feminine forces. Many interpret masculine energy as “men” and feminine energy as “women”, but in reality, we all have both energies. Through tantric sex, we channel this energy and connect our spirit with that of our partner.

For me, the criticism that modern tantra isn’t true tantra is a non-issue. A product of our modern lives is that we’re all so busy, and tantric sex offers a way to slow down and have mindful sex. If ancient traditions have been adapted to help people connect in an increasingly disconnected world, the tradition lives on. Change isn’t always bad.

“But what of culture?!” I hear you cry. The ancient roots of tantra won’t rot because some people pick what they need and use the movement to their own ends. For many, the spiritual side of sex isn’t appealing or doesn’t feature in their version of “good” sex. To vilify people for not “doing it right” or for being ignorant of tantra’s history seems to contradict the purpose of modern tantra – enhancing intimacy between people. To me, what’s important is that people are having pleasurable experiences with one another, and for some, disregarding the spiritual aspect of tantric sex will make the experience more pleasurable.

At the British Museum’s Tantra Exhibition last year, I learnt about the history of tantra, and since then I’ve deepened my understanding by watching documentaries and reading articles. Additionally, as an erotic scriptwriter, I’ve recently been tasked with writing stories of characters engaging in tantric sex. Being the conscientious worker that I am, I did my research, watching Kate and Chris Marley’s tantric sex videos (read: porn) and practising the breathwork (what a job, eh?!). Fortunately, this meant I had a blueprint for how I wanted to try Tantra for the first time.

We set the scene: dimmed lighting, candles, cosy surroundings. We put on a tantric playlist, he took off his clothes, and I took off my dress. I sat on top of him, we wrapped our legs around each other and gazed into each other’s eyes. We sat and breathed together – our breath eventually syncing. Before long, we were both rocking our hips back and forth, rubbing against each other. Our hands traced the lines of each other’s bodies, and we got lost in the moment…

We got lost for some time and returned to the present in a haze of oxytocin and euphoria.