With the benefit of hindsight, many of the people I’ve dated over the years had red flags cropping up here and there.
Here are 16 red flags I should have spotted but didn’t. My mother did, but mothers always do.
- Plans are always made to fit their schedule
- Their dating profile doesn’t match who they are in real life
- On dates, they bring up their exes constantly
- They keep making excuses why you can’t meet their friends
- Likewise, there are many reasons why you can’t visit their homes
- They’re rude to the waiter
- Their friend turns up on your first date
- On the first date, they invite you back to their swanky penthouse hotel suite
- They frequently slag off people they’ve dated
- They ask you for money
- They never offer to pay
- You’re making all the effort to plan dates
- They confess their love for you within the first few dates
- They’re keen to tell you all about the other people they’re currently dating and/or shagging
- You’re asking all the questions getting to know them. They barely ask you anything
- They’re on their phone the whole date
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash
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Still Searching for Prince Charming 
Quite a few of these I’ve experienced, sadly. The guy who was constantly on his phone also made a joke about turning some annoying kids into bacon (wtf?). Another guy I once met, who was nothing like he was online, told me quite loudly in Starbucks that “I’d fuck you over this table right now if there weren’t so many people in here”. Needless to say, we didn’t meet again.
I’m not over my ex, I can admit that, but that’s more healing from the trauma of him and of loving someone who wasn’t healthy for me. He was abusive, and I was naive and didn’t have boundaries at the start because I never got to have those as a kid (let’s not go there). In our own messed up way we loved one another, but ours was a toxic relationship and I refused to see it at the time, because that made me toxic too. I’m very independent (thankyou traumas), so I don’t take well to people who want to be needed, because I don’t “need” anyone, I want them. He was insecure, so he struggled with feeling wanted and not needed, because he’d never been wanted before. Between his not being able to feel wanted and my not needing anyone, we collided.
I would also like to contribute another red flag here: if they use too many emojis, particularly 😏, 🤪 and 👿. If they call themselves a “nice guy”, “cool dude” or any variation thereof, that’s also a warning for me. Let their actions define them. Truly nice people don’t tell you who they are, they SHOW you who they are.
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Great additions, Helen. Shame they’ve also come from personal experience x
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