As we enter Covent Garden’s Coco de Mer after closing time, it’s clear this is going to be a very sexy evening.

Before the class begins, we’re offered a glass of prosecco and the chance to browse the lace, silk, leather and silicone in the room. Towards the rear wall, we spot a group of chairs facing a table piled high with neatly-knotted rope, and a single chair facing the others.

Tonight, we’re at one of Coco de Mer’s Salons – “intimate evenings in our store’s private boudoir for individuals, couples and small groups” – a belated birthday gift to enjoy with two of my closest friends. Our expert is Sophia Rose, a Shibari Educator based in London, and the Salon is “Entwined: The Art of Rope Bondage”.

Sophia opens the class by telling us a little about her and her approach to rope. For Sophia, the rope is an extension of the hands and her teaching is trauma-informed; we all have bodies and we all bring different life experiences to rope exploration. She advises us to form a habit of discussing rope with our partner(s) and ask questions like: “How do you feel?”, “How do you want to feel in rope?”, “What does enjoyment look like to you?” and “What does it look like when you’re not enjoying yourself?”

Make no mistake: whilst safety is an essential part of shibari, this Salon focuses on sensuality, pleasure and connection. Neither does Sophia get too tied up in the names of knots or the emphasis on pattern or symmetry; she encourages us to play and experiment. (If you’re looking to learn some knots and ties – check out this shibari post.)

Throughout the evening, Sophia demonstrates tying on herself and on consenting sales assistants and allows time for us to tie, too. She reminds us that shibari is about the art of tying – not just the patterns the rope creates.

But how to tie rope in a sexy way? By maintaining tension on the rope at all times, says Sophia. To do this, keep your hands (and therefore the rope) close to your partner’s body and pass the rope between your hands, don’t move your body around your partner to tie. (I can’t help but whisper to my friends that blindfolding your partner might also be an idea, so they can’t see your brow furrowed with concentration.)

Keeping in physical contact with your partner is another way to deepen connection during tying, particularly if you’re tying your partner’s hands. Hold their hands and let them know you’re there (having your hands tied feels more debilitating than rope around your torso and this doesn’t sit well with some people).

Over the course of the two-hour class, we navigate the importance of pulling (not pushing) the rope, why a strong stem (the central part of rope tied on a body) is vital, how to tie a granny knot and connect two lengths of rope, ways of achieving reverse tension and how to form fit with the rope. I won’t tell you what we learnt, you’ll have to book onto a session to find out for yourself.

As expected, the class is over before we know it. We leave the boutique preoccupied with friction, counter-tension and ideas; eager to rush home and apply our newfound knowledge.

Photo by pawel szvmanski on Unsplash