Pregnancy: supposedly a time of glowing skin, luscious locks and bountiful breasts. Also a time of huffing and puffing, constipation and clothes that don’t fit. It’s hardly surprising if you don’t feel your sexiest when pregnant…

There will be some women who feel fabulous throughout their pregnancies with raging sex drives and surges of femininity. But for most of us, pregnancy is a time of change: changing bodies and changing emotions. More than likely, you’ll feel gorgeous and fecund one day and like a big heffalump the next. Don’t panic, it’s normal.

So when your belly is getting bigger and the aches and pains magnify, how do you feel sexy when pregnant?

1. Invest in maternity clothes

You don’t need to buy Seraphine’s entire collection (it’ll cost you a small deposit on a house if you did) but do buy some maternity clothes when you find you can no longer fit into your stretchiest jeans and loose dresses. Asos have some great, affordable bits you can stock up on to last throughout your pregnancy and early into motherhood. Wearing clothes that fit is a top tip for feeling sexy, pregnant or not.

2. Treat yourself to lingerie you feel sexy in

Your suspenders, corsets and waspies probably won’t fit during your pregnancy (and for God’s sake, please don’t try and squeeze into them!), so seek out lingerie to accommodate your growing body. Many sex shops have one-size lingerie sections (think strappy bodies and stretchy body stockings) which seem like sexy maternity lingerie by another name…

When you go for bra fittings throughout your pregnancy (once in the early stages to find you a bra that doesn’t dig in – tip: no underwires! – and later before birth to fit you for a nursing bra), the bra fitter will suggest bras in shades of mauve, pink and vomit-colour. You don’t need to accept these. Note the new size of your motherly breasts and shop around. I opted for a snazzy leopard-print underwear set, a black lace combo and the softest plain black bra I’ve ever worn.

Soon, I’ll be going for my nursing bra fitting and while the clip feature is clearly designed for breastfeeding, I can’t help but think my partner will enjoy the peek-a-boo nature – so long as the bras aren’t purple, floral or navy…

3. If you can face it, make time for sex

Sex can be a great way to feel sexy when pregnant. It’s not “cheating” if you need to set aside a whole afternoon to prep your body (more on that in a moment…), put on a sexy playlist, light some candles and get yourself in the mood. Don’t feel pressured into having sex by your partner but a top tip from a sex writer is if you’re on the fence about sex (and it usually feels good when you have it) go for it. Schedule it in if you need to – make it a date night. Your partner is unlikely to complain.

Read my top tips for kinky pregnancy sex.

4. Re-think your body prep…

It used to be that I could trick my mind into feeling sexy through the ritual of body maintenance. After an hour or so of removing body hair, washing and styling my hair and slapping on a bronzing layer of fake tan, I’d be good to go. Now, shaving my legs is invariably accompanied by deep breaths throughout and the occasional pause to catch my breath. Fortunately, slathering on the gradual tan is still as easy as moisturising but shaving my bikini area is almost impossible. I’ll blame pregnancy hormones but two of my closest friends have recently received stressed-out voice notes while I have a razor in one hand and a despondent attitude in the other.

Unlike when you’ve had one too many slices of cake, you can’t squidge a pregnant belly down, so you’re sort of going about your body prep blind. A vanity mirror balanced on the loo might be your best bet – until you give up caring and revel in the magic and glory of bringing life into the world.

5. Accept compliments

If you’re lucky enough to have a partner, friends or family who says you look gorgeous and glowing, believe them. Don’t put yourself down by telling them about your varicose vulva, your gassy tummy or your swollen feet. Accept the compliment and try to internalise it.

6. Consider a maternity photoshoot

My mum said maternity photoshoots weren’t that common when she was pregnant with me and my sisters around 30 years ago. Now, so many photographers are offering the chance to capture the fertile form. For some women, this sounds like the worst thing in the world, for others, it’s not an affordable option (in which case, transform your bedroom into a boudoir and get ready for a flash…), yet for others, it might be something to consider.

Putting some effort into feeling sexy when pregnant can help you feel more like your pre-pregnant self. Enjoy your changing body but don’t forget how you got into this state. Try to enjoy sex with your partner and take pleasure in connecting on this path.

Photo by Mustafa Omar on Unsplash