Is it a sex blog without a post about orgasms? Well, yes, because otherwise the past decade of writing has been futile. But it’s about time I wrote about the Big O. What is it? What happens in our brains and bodies? And how do we have more of them?

Warning: it’s a sciencey piece.

What Exactly Is an Orgasm?

An orgasm is the climax of sexual arousal — a brief but intense wave of physical and emotional sensations. If you’ve ever had one, you’ll know that muscles around your body contract, your heart rate rises and you feel great, thanks to the rush of neurochemicals.

We know quite a bit about the science of orgasms thanks to the research by William Masters and Virginia Johnson from 1957 until the 1990s. (If you haven’t watched Masters of Sex, do.)

Phase 1: Build-up (Excitement and Plateau)

When we’re aroused, our brains release oxytocin, encouraging us to bond with our partner. Before orgasm, blood flow increases to the genitals, breathing deepens, muscles tense, and heart rate climbs. The body is essentially revving its engine.

Phase 2: The Orgasm Itself

During an orgasm:

• Rhythmic muscle contractions occur: resulting in penises ejaculating and uteruses, vaginal walls and pelvic floors tense.
• Brain activity surges, including areas linked to emotion, touch, memory and reward.
• A neurochemical cocktail floods your system. Dopamine (the “pleasure” chemical), oxytocin (the “bonding” hormone), and endorphins (natural painkillers) are all released. This mix creates that post-orgasmic glow, feelings of euphoria, intimacy, satisfaction and even sleepiness.
• Nerve endings become ultra-sensitive

Phase 3: Resolution

After the peak comes the cooldown. The body gradually returns to its resting state, blood pressure and heart rate normalise, and muscle tension eases. Many people (especially people with penises) experience a refractory period — a time when additional orgasms are difficult or impossible.

The Joy of Orgasms

Orgasms aren’t just about physical pleasure — they can boost mental well-being too. Studies suggest they:

• Reduce stress by lowering cortisol levels
• Improve sleep by increasing melatonin and oxytocin
• Enhance mood by triggering the release of feel-good neurotransmitters
• Strengthen emotional bonds between partners

How Do I Have More Orgasms?

Masturbate: learn what feels good and new ways of experiencing pleasure

Talk to your partner: before sex, tell your partner where and how you like to be touched. During sex, give feedback to encourage your partner to touch you where it feels good.

Consider a sex toy (no matter your gender expression). Sex toys are designed and built to target specific erogenous zones and give you pleasure. Explore Lovehoney’s website to see what floats your boat.

Photo by Thiago Rebouças on Unsplash