When you least expect it.

Everyone always says, ‘you’ll find someone when you least expect it‘. I’ve always disliked this saying; I least expect to find a boyfriend when I’m in Sainsbury’s, with unwashed hair and probably a hormone spot just starting on my jawline. Or when I’m hurridly filling up with petrol in the pouring rain in converse. Or,…

Your future girlfriend will thank me.

I taught you how to dress in the style you seek.  I taught you which neck and sleeve lines look good with the way you do your hair.  I demonstrated how some colours suit your skin and hair colour, and how some don’t.  In the minefield you found jeans to be, I taught you which…

Do I wanna know..?

Do I wanna know, if this feeling flows both ways? Yes, I do want to know.  It’s killing me not knowing what’s inside your head.  The messages you give off are so conflicting.  Sad to see you go, was sorta hoping that you’d stay… We have so much fun when you stay.  Please don’t leave….

Patterns

Some girls are adept at bagging the guy.  I’ve never found it particularly easy. There’s a guy I like.  And I think he likes me too…  (Doesn’t this sound familiar..?)   Experience thus far has taught me that guys in their 20’s do not have their shit together.  So when Mr R came along (at…

A sexual history by numbers

1. We were together for 7 years.  Pretty wonderful, really. 2.  This was a little weird.  A different man’s body.  You were so fucking awkward afterwards. 3 and 4.  A fun night all around… 5.  The first one-night stand.  Nothing was okay about this. 6.  Gorgeous, younger.  A complete laugh.  We would continue hooking up…

No really, I don’t need you.

I think it’s much better to be wanted than needed.   But is it rude to tell someone you don’t need them?   Here’s why I don’t need you: I can cook I can clean the house I drive myself around I can sort car issues out I have my own social life I’m not…

This is always the case; until it isn’t.

I’ve spent most of my dating life learning that “keenness isn’t cool.” DON’T BE KEEN!! they told me. Play it cool. I was told. So how is it that a friend is now dating a girl he once thought was overly keen?  She is older than my friend, she has baggage, she replies at 4am…

What am I looking for?

I sent a whip-around text to some girlfriends a few days ago, asking them to rank these in order of importance for a guy: personality, face, intelligence, figure, sense of humour, relationship with your friends, their friends and their parents.  I was intentionally vague; not specifying if I meant for sex, a date or a…