I matched with a guy on Bumble and what follows is our very brief exchange:

Him: Hey.  Do you want to meet tomorrow for a bit of fun / sex?

Me: I’m a dater, not a one-night stand.

Him: Yes same here.  It isn’t a one night stand.  Have a bit of fun and go from there.

Me: Not looking for friends with benefits either.  After different things.  Best of luck with the novel!  (He’s writing a book).

Him: Ashame [sic].  I found you incredibly beautiful (interesting he used the past tense – he no longer finds me attractive because I won’t jump into bed with him?) and thought you seem interesting (and clearly he was wrong..?)

Me: – No response –

Him: And I thought you might like a coconut massage.

Me: I’m not one for massages either (laughing face).  I find them deeply uncomfortable.

Him: Haha.  Well you haven’t had a coconut massage.  It’s where you lay on the bed or floor fully naked, I put coconut oil on your back, bum and legs and get on your back naked and slide up and down your body, and the smell of the coconut makes you both relax and the skin to skin contact generates energy between both people.

Was this meant to turn me on?  I found this offer disgusting and promptly deleted him.