I think it’s much better to be wanted than needed but is it rude to tell someone you don’t need them?
Here’s why I don’t need you:
- I can cook well
- I drive myself around and sort out any issues with my car
- I have my own social life
- I’m happy to go to a restaurant alone for lunch or dinner
- I can zip up (and unzip) my dress on my own (see also: fasten my necklace)
- I can reach the top shelf if I stand on the counter
- I can change the light bulbs if I balance on a chair
- I can assemble furniture on my own
- I can fix a broken fridge
- I can rewire a plug and do all sorts of DIY
- I can troubleshoot why the T.V. or internet isn’t working
- I earn my own money
So when I say I don’t need you, it’s a compliment; I want you in my life.
But when you say you need me, I am filled with sadness, even though you think you’re being kind. You say I support you, care for you and make you a better person. It seems the reasons you’re with me are for your own benefit, not because I make you happy or because we have fun together, but because I help you be a better version of yourself.
Telling me you think I’m amazing and that you love me every day isn’t enough. You need to prove it.
And whilst it now feels like I’m back where I was, in a relationship that benefits you and saps my energy, at least I’ve remained less attached and can see the whole picture.