In dating and relationships, I’m a real advocate of honesty being the best policy. While it’s not fun learning that someone isn’t into you it’s helpful to know. Similarly, facing the reality that a relationship has run its course can feel depressing but it’s pointless flogging a dead horse. It can be nerve-wracking considering the possibility you won’t find a partner for a while but once you shift the focus away from finding a partner, you can spend more time making plans with friends.
Now I’m sort of back together with my ex (shhh, I know…) I’m viewing the relationship from a vantage point. This is Round 2; an opportunity to make a few changes and see what happens. At first, Round 2 seemed promising – we were jumping through hoops and scoring high marks, and when the going got tough, we’d take a step back, press pause then resume at a more convenient time. This seemed to be an excellent solution to a temperamental relationship. Everything ran smoothly until he fell harder.
We’re no longer on the same page. I’m continuing to take our relationship day by day. He’s thinking very long-term.
I’ve been honest with him. I said, “You make me happy, and I’m going to keep doing what makes me happy until it doesn’t make me happy anymore.”
He said this seems very short-term and like I’m not planning far ahead. Yes, that’s true and I told him so.
Recently, on a Saturday night, our different stances on future plans blew up. He told me how committed he is and how he wants to spend his with life me, marry me and raise children together. I quite frankly told him I wouldn’t move in with, marry, or raise children with someone who is an alcoholic or drug-dependent. I know this hurt him and this wasn’t my intention but I wanted to make my position clear and we went on to have a positive discussion about the future and we seem to be back on the same page.