Following from yet another failed attempt at dating, I decided I need to change my tac (doesn’t this sound familiar..?)
‘I’m giving up with dating apps!’ I exclaim to my friends on more than one occasion this summer. ‘They’re full of guys who just want a quick shag. I’ll never find a decent guy on Tinder, or Bumble or Hinge.’
And then I remembered I write a dating blog and I also have a lot of free time now that I’m pursuing a new career path.
So, once again, I found myself redownloading all the apps and activating my accounts again.
‘What you need to do,’ my male friend said, ‘is to Tinder like a man. Don’t waste time looking through their profiles. Treat it like a numbers game. Swipe quickly and if you match, then consider if you want to stay matched. Talk. To. Everyone,’ he instructed, ‘after a few days you’ll seperate the weak from the strong, after a week you’ll work out who you want to go on a date with.’
We discussed how dating apps shouldn’t be taken too seriously, how I should use them as a time-killer and not as a means to find a boyfriend.
Over the past week, I’ve spoken with at least 50 people. Around 15 people didn’t reply. Only five people seem interested in keeping a conversation flowing. And then there was this lot:
- One guy wanted to go for a walk/ drink/ coffee after a day of speaking.
- A different guy was obsessed with talking about my (limited) experience of being on a nudist beach. He wanted to know about my favourite part of my body, and when I didn’t say my boobs or my bum, he needed more information. Without me asking, he told me his favourite part of his body was his ‘chap’ [vom vom vom]. He presumed (wrongly) that I am shy of my body. He congratulated me on not being a prude. He made hypocritical comments. He wanted to know whether I shaved or waxed. Unsurprisingly, I un-matched him.
- One guy boasts that his ‘unusual skill’ is ‘to eat a kiwi with the skin on. So don’t worry if your waxing woman is away for a week’. I did not swipe right.
- Another guy asked ‘why me?’ when I swiped right to him. I told him he was one of many guys who look good in their photos and that I swiped right in the hopes that he might not be a dick, but there was plenty of time to prove me wrong. He asked whether this was a challenge or a request. I said it certainly wasn’t a challenge. He told me he has a very busy lifestyle and that he has kids; would this bother me? I told him I write a sex blog, does this bother him? When I didn’t receive an answer, I presumed it did. He then followed by sending me a dick pic. I thanked him and asked if it was material for my blog, to be added to the ‘unsolicited dick pics’ category. Funnily enough, he deleted me.
Yes, I can ‘Tinder like a man’, and it’s amusing at the very least, but until the men on these apps seem half-decent, I can’t be sure I’ll have many dates lined up.