Following from yet another failed attempt at dating, I decided I need to change my tac (doesn’t this sound familiar..?)

‘I’m giving up with dating apps!’ I exclaim to my friends on more than one occasion this summer.  ‘They’re full of guys who just want a quick shag.  I’ll never find a decent guy on Tinder, or Bumble or Hinge.’

And then I remembered I write a dating blog and I also have a lot of free time now that I’m pursuing a new career path.

So, once again, I found myself redownloading all the apps and activating my accounts again.

‘What you need to do,’ my male friend said, ‘is to Tinder like a man.  Don’t waste time looking through their profiles.  Treat it like a numbers game.  Swipe quickly and if you match, then consider if you want to stay matched.  Talk.  To.  Everyone,’ he instructed, ‘after a few days you’ll seperate the weak from the strong, after a week you’ll work out who you want to go on a date with.’

We discussed how dating apps shouldn’t be taken too seriously, how I should use them as a time-killer and not as a means to find a boyfriend.

Over the past week, I’ve spoken with at least 50 people.  Around 15 people didn’t reply.  Only five people seem interested in keeping a conversation flowing.  And then there was this lot:

• One guy wanted to go for a walk/ drink/ coffee after a day of speaking.

• A different guy was obsessed with talking about my (limited) experience of being on a nudist beach.  He wanted to know about my favourite part of my body, and when I didn’t say my boobs or my bum, he needed more information.  Without me asking, he told me his favourite part of his body was his ‘chap’ [vom vom vom].  He presumed (wrongly) that I am shy of my body.  He congratulated me on not being a prude.  He made hypocritical comments.  He wanted to know whether I shaved or waxed.  Unsurprisingly, I un-matched him.

• One guy boasts that his ‘unusual skill’ is ‘to eat a kiwi with the skin on.  So don’t worry if your waxing woman is away for a week’.  I did not swipe right.

• Another guy asked ‘why me?’ when I swiped right to him.  I told him he was one of many guys who look good in their photos and that I swiped right in the hopes that he might not be a dick, but there was plenty of time to prove me wrong.  He asked whether this was a challenge or a request.  I said it certainly wasn’t a challenge.  He told me he has a very busy lifestyle and that he has kids; would this bother me?  I told him I write a sex blog, does this bother him?  When I didn’t receive an answer, I presumed it did.  He then followed by sending me a dick pic.  I thanked him and asked if it was material for my blog, to be added to the ‘unsolicited dick pics’ category.  Funnily enough, he deleted me.

Yes, I can ‘Tinder like a man’, and it’s amusing at the very least, but until the men on these apps seem half-decent, I can’t be sure I’ll have many dates lined up.