Life’s complicated, which makes sex complicated — even, or especially, with someone you’ve been in a relationship with for a while. We don’t always want sex every day, or in the same way each time we do have sex, so why should we presume our partner wants the same kind of sex each time?

At times, sex with someone we barely know is super hot, but there are also times that sex with someone we know and love deeply can leave us feeling a little flat — or downright shitty. Checking in with yourself and your lover can help make sex feel fantastic for both of you, each and every time you dive under the sheets. (Want to make more time for sex? Here are some ideas.)

Here are some questions you could ask your partner before having sex with them:

• How do you feel in your body today?

• Where would you like to be touched, and how?

• What do you think would turn you on?

• Is orgasm important to you today?

• How would you like to touch me today?

You don’t need to ask all of them, or so prescriptively, but talking about sex before doing it can be an act of foreplay and develop intimacy between you. Get into a habit of talking about sex and see how it improves your sex life.

Photo by Sabina Tone on Unsplash