I’m a true believer that the best sex is playful sex. The kind of sex where you giggle halfway through or roll about the bed laughing afterwards. Or the kind that has you up the walls, backwards over the bed, or dressed up in a kinky outfit.

Sex can become monotonous and predictable when you’ve been with someone for some time. Not necessarily bad, but not as playful as it perhaps was in the early days of your relationship. Many couples also find it difficult to relearn how to play during sex, for so many reasons. Kids (pick from myriad causes), life stressors, feeling time-poor and exhausted, can all lead to formulaic sex.

Great sex requires curiosity and intimacy – and intimacy thrives on trust and playfulness.

You don’t need to buy loads of sex toys to be playful (though if you’re looking for sex toy ideas…). Nor do you need a kinky sex box or to have sex outdoors. You just need a few variations to your favourite sex routine.

Below, you’ll find common sex positions and tweaks to make them more romantic or kinky, depending on your mood. Just please, talk to your partner before experimenting with power dynamics. Consent makes things more fun.

The position: Missionary

The person being penetrated lies on their back with their legs apart. The giver lies on top, facing their partner, while they press their bodies together.

Make it more romantic

Missionary can be a really romantic sex position because it allows for constant face-to-face connection and eye contact. You’ll feel emotionally connected and can also communicate what feels good (and what doesn’t).

The giver can bring their body closer to their partner’s and either kiss their neck or nibble their ears; whatever feels good.

Kink it up

For deep penetration, the receiver could lift their legs over their partner’s shoulders or pull their knees closer to their body.

If bum play appeals, the receiver could reach around to the giver’s bum and tease it with a finger or a toy.

The position: Doggy-style

The receiving partner gets on their hands and knees, and the giving partner positions themselves behind them. The giver can kneel on the bed or stand against the bed for more oomph. Alternatively, both stand, with the receiving partner bent over the bed, table, sofa, exercise ball or arching their back and leaning against a wall.

Make it more romantic

The receiving partner can twist their upper body so they’re looking behind at their partner. The person penetrating leans forward. From here, you can enjoy some romantic kisses – though perhaps not for long (it can feel awkward or give the receiver a neckache).

As a giver, you might want to simultaneously massage your partner. Drizzle massage oil on their back and shoulders and touch them seductively.

Kink it up

Doggy is a great sex position for kinky fun because the penetrating partner is in a naturally more dominant position here. So spank the receiver’s bum, pull their hair, grab their hips or boobs/chest. Or incorporate handcuffs, wrist ties, a gag, or a collar and lead to restrain the receiver.

Dirty talk can also add a kinky element to sex. Agree on what’s allowed beforehand and explore within these parameters. You might also want to try role-playing, you disobedient employee.

The position: Woman on top

The penetrating partner lies on the bed or sits in a chair. The receiver gets on top, facing towards or away from their partner. Facing your partner, you’re in “cowgirl”; facing away, you’re in “reverse cowgirl”.

Make it more romantic

With this position, you both have good access to your partner’s body. Stroke, caress, cover them in kisses. Or light a massage candle and drizzle the penetrating partner with warm oil. (Learn more about temperature play.)

Kink it up

Wrist-to-thigh restraints comfortably secure the riding partner’s position, shifting the control back towards the person being ridden. Best to add restraints only when trying this position on a bed, though, to avoid injury.

The position: Oral sex

There are tonnes of positions to enjoy giving and receiving oral. The receiver can lie on the bed, sit on a chair, stand, lean against a wall, or straddle their partner’s face. Or they could lift their partner to enjoy some upside-down 69.

Make it more romantic

Eye contact can be incredibly sexy and romantic. Look up once in a while, though be aware that some people find constant eye contact off-putting.

Touch your partner with soft, silky scarves or light ticklers to heighten their senses and make them moan at every lick, kiss and suck.

Kink it up

Straddling a partner’s face can be pretty kinky. Ride against their tongue and face (don’t forget to check they can breathe) by rocking your hips from side to side or up and down.

The person receiving oral sex could also pull the giver’s hair, hold their head or push their body towards/into their partner’s mouth. Maybe the giver wears restraints at the same time.

You could also try rimming (licking your partner’s anus) or butt play (with anal beads, a butt plug or a vibrating toy) for dual stimulation.

Photo by pantelis geo on Unsplash