Following another failed attempt at dating, I decided I need to change my tac (doesn’t this sound familiar..?)

“I’m giving up on dating apps!” I exclaim to my friends on more than one occasion this summer. “They’re full of guys who just want a quick shag. I’ll never find a decent guy on Tinder, Bumble or Hinge.” And then I remembered I write a sex and dating blog and I also have a lot of free time now that I’m pursuing a new career path…

So, once again, I found myself downloading all the apps and re-activating my accounts.

“What you need to do,” one male friend said, “is to Tinder like a man. Don’t waste time looking through their profiles. Treat it like a numbers game. Swipe quickly, and if you match then consider if you want to stay connected. Talk. To. Everyone” he instructed. “After a few days, you’ll separate the weak from the strong and after a week you’ll work out who you want to go on a date with.”

Over the past week, I’ve spoken with at least 50 people. Around 15 people didn’t reply. Only five people seem interested in keeping a conversation flowing. And then there was this lot:

• One guy wanted to go for a walk/drink/coffee after a day of speaking.
• A different guy was obsessed with talking about my (limited) experience of being on a nudist beach. He wanted to know about my favourite part of my body, and when I didn’t say my boobs or my bum, he needed more information. Without me asking, he told me his favourite part of his body was his “chap” (ew). He presumed (wrongly) that I’m shy about my body. He congratulated me on not being a prude. He made hypocritical comments. He wanted to know whether I shaved or waxed. Unsurprisingly, I un-matched him.
• One guy boasted on his profile that his “unusual skill” was “to eat a kiwi with the skin on. So don’t worry if your waxing woman is away for a week”. I did not swipe right.
• Another guy asked “why me?” when I swiped right to him. I told him he was one of many guys who look good in their photos and that I swiped right in the hopes that he might not be a dick, but there was plenty of time to prove me wrong. He asked whether this was a challenge or a request. I said it certainly wasn’t a challenge. He told me he has a very busy lifestyle and that he has kids; would this bother me? I told him I write a sex blog, does this bother him? When I didn’t receive an answer, I presumed it did. He then proceeded to send me a dick pic. I thanked him and asked if it was material for my blog, to be added to the “unsolicited dick pics” category. Funnily enough, he deleted me.

Yes, I can “Tinder like a man”, and it’s amusing at the very least but I can find a half-decent man on a dating app, I can’t be sure I’ll have many dates lined up from this newfound approach.