Before you say it, I know I’m not in a long-distance relationship, but I’ve had a couple. My first boyfriend and I were together for 7 years from 14 to 21 years old, and the last few years of that relationship were split across the south of England and Southeast Asia. A more recent relationship was divided between Brighton and London – and, I later discovered, me, him and his wife.

Keeping it sexy without physical touch (oh God, this is sounding like a Covid post) can be a challenge but here’s how to keep the spark alive in a long-distance relationship.

Speak on the phone, often

Hearing a lover’s voice can be incredibly erotic and it’s important to make time to speak to each other on the phone. Voicenotes are great but they’ve made us lazy. Setting aside time to talk to your partner, without distractions will help strengthen your connection.

Talk dirty on the phone, fairly often

Chatting about your day is important but so is talking dirty. Hearing each other say enticing things down the phone might stir something and you could be tempted to take the call somewhere more private. (These ideas for talking dirty will get your (creative) juices flowing.)

Sext each other

If talking dirty makes you feel nervous, sexting can be a more comfortable way to arouse your partner. Here’s some advice on sexting to get you started.

Buy sexy gifts for one another

As the saying goes, a dildo is not just for Christmas. Choosing a sex toy or sexy underwear (online or in a shop) that you think your partner will like and posting it to them is a hot gesture. If you need guidance, ask your partner and enjoy picking something fun together.

Watch sexy movies/read sexy novels simultaneously

Pick a time to watch a sexy movie simultaneously. Maybe you can light some candles, pour a glass of wine and dim the lights. Charged phones ready – poised to discuss the plot and hot characters over messages. If, like me, reading’s more your bag, buy the same book and snuggle under your duvets. Non-fiction books about sex can ignite interesting conversations and novels that focus more on the sex scenes than character development (hello, Fifty Shades), can whip up discussions about your fantasies.

Try to visit

If possible, try to book visits to see each other. Video calls, sex toys and dirty texts can’t make up for physical touch but when you’re in a long-term relationship, you feel this, deeply.

Photo by cottonbro studio