Enjoy spanking, hair pulling and playing with power dynamics in the bedroom? Maybe you have a kink for S&M.

S&M stands for sadism and masochism – though it’s often referred to as sadomasochism. It’s a sexual kink or fetish based on control and consensually giving or inflicting pain for pleasure. Sadism is the act of gaining pleasure from causing others pain whereas masochism is when someone derives pleasure from having pain inflicted upon themself.

You’ll know you’re into S&M if the sight of a paddle makes you wet or hard, not clench; spanking elicits moans of “more please” rather than “please stop”; and (even though you hate to admit it), The Red Room in Fifty Shades of Grey turned you on.

I don’t want to use sex toys, just talk dirty to me

If emotional pain is your thing and you feel horny by degradation, sexual humiliation or complete submission, you have everything in your arsenal to explore this side of your sexuality.

Ask your partner what degradation turns them on and share what you feel comfortable saying to them. Take a deep breath, find your sexy deep voice, and muster confidence. Off you go.

Spank me, Daddy, spank me

At its most simplistic (though by no means inferior), blurring the lines between pleasure and physical pain requires the masochist’s hands. Beyond that, you might want to buy some equipment to deliver different sensations to the sadist.

For pleasurable pain, you will need:

• Consent and conversation: S&M play isn’t something to spring on a partner. It can leave physical and emotional marks (for both the giver and receiver) so please discuss it before you explore together. Talk about your boundaries and limits, and agree on a safeword and stop action if play becomes too much.
• For impact play: a flogger, paddle, whip, riding crop and cat o’nine tails. Test different materials to see which makes the most satisfying sound and which sensation the receiver prefers.
• For temperature play: ice cubes, cooling or warming lube, body candles to drip wax or heat the body near a flame, and glass or stainless steel sex toys that you can heat or cool.
• For sensory deprivation and restriction: blindfolds, handcuffs, rope, body tape, spreader bar, gag, chastity cage and hood.
• Aftercare sorted: cuddles, tea, warm bath, your favourite comedy show, etc.

Play safe!