You’ve just started dating someone but aren’t really feeling it anymore. Maybe you’ve got the ick, found someone more suited to you, or you’re no longer in the headspace to date. Ghosting makes light work of this: cutting communication without explanation is so much easier than sending a message and risking an awkward or difficult back-and-forth. But ghosting’s not great, is it?

Knowing what to say to let someone down is challenging, especially if the dates you had were fun, but sending them a clear, yet kind message results in better outcomes for you both. They know where they stand and won’t experience the anguish of waiting for you to message, and hopefully won’t message you in weeks to come!

Before you work out what to text instead of nothing, remember:

• Be kind. You may not be interested in them but they may be invested in you. Let them down gently but clearly.
• Your intentions. Are you willing to have your mind changed or are you set? They may combat the rejection with an argument or by trying to convince you to keep dating them.

Here’s what to say instead of ghosting someone, depending on the situation. Embellish these templates as you see fit:

After a first date

“[Insert date location/activity] was great fun, but I’d like to be honest and tell you I’m not feeling a connection between us so I don’t think a 2nd date would be a good idea. Thanks for understanding and I wish you all the best.”

“Our date was fun but I don’t see this going anywhere romantically. You’re a really [cool/lovely/interesting/insert relevant personality description] person and I’d love to stay friends.” Only send this if you genuinely want to develop a friendship with this person.

After a few dates:

“I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, but I don’t think we’re a romantic match. Thank you for the fun at [dinner/crazy golf/cinema/insert date activity], and I wish you the best with finding a partner.”

“I’ve had fun hanging out with you but personally, I don’t feel a romantic connection. It wouldn’t be right to go on any more dates. Sorry, and I hope you understand.”

When you’re both after different things from dating:

“I’ve had fun getting to know you but I’m looking for something a little more [serious/casual]. I don’t want to waste either of our time or feelings, so I want to be honest and say I think we should date other people who better match what we’re looking for. Best of luck in the dating game!”

When you’ve met someone else:

“I’ve enjoyed getting to know you and had fun [insert date location/activity] but I’ve since become serious with someone else so I’m no longer dating other people. Thanks for understanding.”

When it’s genuinely you, not them:

“I want to be honest and let you know I’m not in a position to date right now. I’ve been dealing with some personal stuff and need to focus on that for a bit. I hope you understand.”

Whatever you say, just be honest, respectful and kind.

Photo by Kelli McClintock on Unsplash