You’ve just met someone. They’re charming, funny, and their messages make you smile. Maybe you’ve had a few great dates. You start wondering: maybe this one is different. Maybe this’ll lead to something…

Before you get carried away (we all do it), take a moment to pause and consider the red and green flags you might have spotted. The green flags will be easy to spot, but if you’re keen on someone, the red ones might be hidden. Seek them out to help you decide whether you ought to quit while you’re ahead or invest in this person.

Watch Out for These Red Flags

1. Inconsistent Communication

One day, they’re texting constantly. The next: radio silence. No explanation, no heads-up, just hot and cold. If someone can’t offer consistent communication early on, can they later on?

Red flag: You’re always wondering where you stand. You’re ruminating on their messages before (and after!) decoding them with a friend.

2. They Disrespect Boundaries (Even Small Ones)

Maybe you said you needed to leave by 10, and they pressured you to stay. Perhaps you mentioned you don’t want to drink, and they teased you. These seem small, but they tell you everything about how they’ll respect your limits down the line.

Red flag: Boundary-pushing could indicate control issues.

3. Over-the-Top Future Talk

“Be my plus one at my friend’s wedding next summer.” “I think you’re my soulmate.” “I’ve never felt this way — ever.” And it’s only been two dates. Love bombing makes you think they’re really into you, until it feels waaaayyy too much.

Red flag: When it feels too good to be true so early on, it often is.

4. Constantly Slagging Off the Ex

Mentioning an ex occasionally is fine, but constantly isn’t – especially if they tend to say derogatory things about them. Someone who paints every ex as a villain might not be as innocent as they claim.

Red flag: There’s a common denominator to all the exes.

5. They Make You Feel “Less Than”

Do you feel like you’re competing for their attention? Do they subtly put you down — your job, your friends, your body, your choices? That’s not banter. That’s erosion.

Red flag: You shrink in their presence and second-guess your worth.

Welcome These Green Flags, Signalling Potential

1. They Communicate Honestly (Even When It’s Awkward)

They don’t ghost. They respond thoughtfully. They’ll say “I had a great time”, and mean it — and they’ll also say “I’m not sure yet” instead of leading you on.

Green flag: Clear words and transparent intentions.

2. They Respect Your Time and Space

They’re not pushy about last-minute plans. They’re fine when you say no. They don’t make you feel guilty for having a life outside of them. They don’t ask hundreds of questions about who you’re with and where you are.

Green flag: You feel like you still have your own life, not like you’re squeezing into theirs.

3. They’re Curious About You

They ask meaningful questions and remember small things. They’re interested in your world, not just trying to impress you with theirs.

Green flag: You feel seen, acknowledged and important to them.

4. They Speak Kindly About Others

Showing compassion toward others (like exes, waiters or strangers) indicates someone who’s emotionally mature. Listen, and enjoy hearing them talk about people who can’t offer them anything in return. Kind, altruistic words and actions are a great signal of an empathic partner.

Green flag: You trust their kindness is genuine. They’re unlikely to be putting on a charming display.

5. You Feel Like Yourself With Them

You’re not pretending or auditioning. You’re not afraid to speak your mind, laugh too loud or show up as your amazing, flawed self.

Green flag: You feel like you’re enough, without performance and without regretting how you acted on a date.

Spot the Flags and Trust Your Gut

It’s so easy to hope someone’s right for us and miss all the red flags. It’s also easy to expect falling for someone to be full of passion and fireworks, and miss the quiet, steady signs that someone’s suitable and admirable.

Look out for behaviour that both confirms what you think to be true and challenges it. And above all, trust your gut. The early stages are not just about butterflies. They’re about clarity.

Photo by Good Faces on Unsplash