NSFW: Sub Space House

When ‘Ropes’ and ‘Wing Girl’ created Sub Space House in December 2019, they didn’t expect a lockdown to put a stop to their frivolous fun. Despite this, the pair are keen to resume events once it’s safe to do so and they have big, big plans for taking Sub Space global.

To find out more about this unique journey, I spoke to the couple about their stories and how they came to open up this D/s party for swingers.

A year in conception, Sub Space House was formed through late-night discussions amongst Ropes, Wing Girl and friends; chatting about what they wanted to achieve with a sex club night as well as considering what other clubs offered. When it became more of a reality, they decided to seek out toys and set up their website. Despite only fitting in two public events before the global pandemic, Wing Girl and Ropes quickly discovered they wanted their nights to be more accessible to people. Coming across challenges such as finding places large enough to hold furniture and equipment (and that cater to their niche events) has been a learning curve, but this hasn’t put off the ambitious duo who want to ‘change up the venues’, host events in different cities and run events more frequently than once every two months.

Image by Alexander Krivitskiy from Pexels.

As is often the case when people meet on a fetish app, Wing Girl and Ropes conversed openly and honestly about previous sexual experiences and what they were hoping to explore. By the time they met in a London Bridge bar, they already knew each other quite intimately, but that didn’t stop them talking about ‘everything again’; sharing their interests in polyamory, three-, four- and moresomes, clubs, BDSM and rope. It seems Wing Girl was very much thrown in at the deep end. Confessing she had so far had a lifetime of vanilla sex, she says Ropes was her first-ever internet date (having been previously married and recently single when the pair met). It was Wing Girl’s curiosity and open-mindedness that propelled her into fetish apps. Solely looking for a ‘wing guy’ to ‘experience everything with’, Wing Girl found her wingman in Ropes, who brought a completely different set of experiences to the table. ‘[Wing Girl] had all the group sex experience and I had none whatsoever,’ says Ropes, giggling. ‘I had more of the BDSM experience,’ continues Ropes, for Wing Girl to jump in with: ‘and I had none, whatsoever.’ The pair burst out laughing. In these early stages of their relationship-of-sorts, Wing Girl ‘did not even know the language when [she] set about looking for what [she] wanted.’ Despite having a clear idea of what she was eager to explore, she couldn’t articulate it; and feels this epitomises her vanilla lifestyle. What about Ropes? He knew what he wanted but ‘didn’t know if it was possible.’

Initially, they were looking for events inclusive of swinging and BDSM.  They found that swinging events lacked the BDSM vibe and BDSM nights didn’t cater for swingers.  At the BDSM parties, ‘everybody is getting spanked but there’s no sex and you feel like an odd-bod if you have any BDSM element in a sex club,’ says Wing Girl.  She believes combining the two lifestyles ‘confused everybody’ when there was a ‘crossover’ between the two.  When these passions were married in an event, Wing Girl and Ropes still felt something was missing.

It wasn’t until they went to a club in Birmingham and started ‘doing [their] own thing, regardless of the night’ that they had an epiphany of sorts; realising that making the night work for them was what left them feeling fulfilled and satisfied. Playing with rope suspension, followed by exploring with other couples led to a night of ‘madness’, by Ropes’ admission. They were approached by one of the club stewards who asked if they wanted to take their fun to the main stage. Politely declining, they discovered there was a desire to combine BDSM practices with swinging dynamics.

Photo by Engin Akyurt from Pexels

But isn’t a sex club night just one big orgy? This is a misconception, they say. ‘There’s not as much [sex] as you’d think,’ remarks Ropes. Wing Girl agrees: ‘It’s not as straightforward as just going in and having sex straight away.’ Going in with preconceptions and a checklist, of sorts, often led to disappointment at the end of a night. By going into sex night events with open minds, Wing Girl and Ropes found that they had much more fun through having a conversation with people before playing with them.

‘One thing that’s not a misconception is single males,’ Wing Girl states. ‘Single males have the misconception that they can just go to a club and get anything,’ expands Ropes. To combat the risk of single males preying at Sub Space House, Wing Girl and Ropes only run couples’ events. When single men attend events with couples, they ‘change the energy’. Of course, ‘it’s rude to paint all single guys with the same brush,’ admits Ropes, ‘but the majority of single guys don’t have good game. Poor etiquette, poor game, poor everything’. They regale me with a previous experience when they were approached by a male in a naturist club who made no effort to chat with the couple and showed no respect. Contrasting this to another incident in the same place, a different male approached the pair with respect and ‘he looked at my face!’ exclaims Wing Girl – this made all the difference; ‘it didn’t feel predatory.’

As you’d expect, the behaviour of single males (and indeed everyone at the club) depends on a variety of factors: the event you go to, the club, the clientele…We learnt so much from going to sex clubs,’ says Wing Girl, ‘understanding that people have different rules’ about how involved with other people they get, was something that initially surprised her. Particularly ‘how to communicate that’. In one instance, ‘Ropes and [Wing Girl] were doing rope and [they] were being quite intimate. [They] were stood to the side and a guy was standing behind but he was quite close, and jacking off.’ Both felt stuck with where they were and didn’t know how to ask the man to stop. Learning that they needed to communicate with others about not wanting play with single guys and knowing that it’s okay to say ‘no’ when something didn’t sit right with them, took some time and communication between the pair.

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

Often, it’s the fear of single men (especially for women) and not knowing what to expect that limits potential party-goers attending events. ‘It’s daunting – it’s much easier if you have a partner to go with.’ Despite being comfortable with BDSM and sex events, the pair admit that as a single person it’s frightening to attend an event alone, particularly as a sub. At BDSM events, there are lots of conversations to be had around desires, curiosities and limits and to go on your own you need to be able to have these conversations around consent. It’s because of this, that Ropes feels ‘people at BDSM events are more respectful – because you have to be.’

Misconceptions around protocol seem to put people off, too. Assuming you walk in and take a role is inaccurate; it completely varies how nights pan out. And guidelines about what to wear can be a minefield – especially for men who aren’t keen on wearing fetish wear. Whilst most clubs operate a fetish-wear only policy, Sub Space House encourages people to be themselves, with ‘formal or fet-wear’. Turning up in a suit is perfectly acceptable.

Image by MichaelRaab from Pixabay 

It’s the crew at Sub Space that makes partygoers feel more welcomed. Chatting on social media first and being able to ask questions and receive answers before attending events helps put people’s minds at ease. ‘Everyone gets welcomed and is spoken to.’ Everyone is looked-after. If you’re nervous and it’s your first time, Wing Girl, Ropes or a member of the team will meet you at the door, grab a drink with you and introduce you to a few people.

What are their top tips for anyone wanting to attend a swinging or BDSM event?

  • Go with someone; a pal or a fuckbuddy.
  • Research the party you’re going to – understand what to expect so you don’t get thrown off by seeing something you didn’t expect to see. Understand what you want.
  • Go to a swingers’ event before a BDSM event.
  • Take condoms and lube.
  • Get there early. Talk to people, chat, have a drink, dance, socialise. When you get there later, people are already fucking and it’s harder to build a connection.
  • Know your boundaries and practise communicating them and communicating consent. Realise that your boundaries can be different at an event to your boundaries at home, behind closed doors.
  • Know how you can talk with the person you’re going with – what are your boundaries between each other?
  • Be a decent person. Don’t be creepy.
  • Talk to the promoters if you can. They will tell you exactly what you need to know about that party, especially if you can’t find information online.
  • Make sure you talk about the ups and downs of the experience after the night. What did you enjoy? Did you make any mistakes? Would you do anything differently next time?

Have I talked about communication enough on my kink blogs? Probably, but communication is everything in this world. Through talking about events and what worked and what didn’t for you and your partner, you grow together and can discover your next experience.

Echoing what I’ve said before, Wing Girl and Ropes believe it’s the creativity that keeps BDSM sex interesting. ‘There’s always something new to learn… You discover different things as you go along and it’s a constant journey,’ says Ropes. Wing Girl agrees, and for these two to embrace life, they enjoy keeping sex interesting. I’ve said it so many times on this blog, but it’s about the effort you put into a situation that will determine what you get out of it. By going in open-minded and prepared, you’ll likely have a blast.

I’m a true advocate of ‘finding your tribe’; and through connecting with likeminded individuals, we feel more wholesome. BDSM is no exception. If you’re yet to find your ‘tribe’, seek out different platforms, find the events and parties that cater to your predilections and continue to learn and explore.

If you’re a swinger, who’s into BDSM, Sub Space House might be the place for you…

Featured image by Evelyn Chong from Pexels.

To find out more:

Website: http://subspacehouse.com/

FetLife: http://fetlife.com/subspacehouse

Fabswingers: https://www.fabswingers.com/profile/subspacehouse

2 Comments Add yours

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s