Not Quite The Threesome I Was Expecting…

I hate January. And at the risk of being dramatic, I definitely hate it more the most people. Let me explain…

The run-up to Christmas is great fun:

  • there are Christmas drinks with friends
  • fun dates with fellow singletons in a bid to have a Christmas shag
  • when I’ve been in a relationship, we do lots of fun festive activities
  • London is bursting with festive cheer
  • and there’s always a family trip to the theatre.
  • My birthday’s a week before Christmas, lots of socialising occurs (helped by time off work) and festive cheer abounds.

Although around the 10th of December, something funny happens: I blink and it’s January 3rd.

Goodbye birthday, adios Christmas, farewell NYE. Hello, the longest month ever and rain, frost, dark evenings and no sight of spring for literally four months. (It’s no surprise I never do Dry January.)

But this year, I decided to change that – well, what I could, at least.

Over Christmas and New Year, I plugged into dating apps, got swiping and began chatting. Anyone who’s been on dating apps knows how much admin is involved in just lining up a date. I write all day, every day for work and regularly write messages in my free time (and, hang on, I write more still on this blog…). Even when I go by the principle of going on a date not long after our first messages, there’s still a conversation that needs to be had before working out if the person is worth a date (no doubt they feel the same about me).

So, over Christmas, I was speaking to men – lots of men. A few, in particular, seemed promising. Fast forward a few weeks, I meet one of the guys in Brighton for a walk and a Sunday glass of wine (lockdown flashbacks, anyone?). We have a great date, we’ve booked to see each other again. Just over a week later, I meet another guy I’d been chatting with since Christmas. We meet in South East London nearby my office for a drink or two. Nice guy, possibly worth seeing again.

Glass-of-Wine-and-a-Walk man and I continue messaging and sending voice notes until I receive a voice note on Wednesday morning that leaves me feeling like I’ve done something wrong.

He tells me he has some “bad news and we’re not going to be able to meet anymore” (we met once, for a couple of hours…) He says there’s history between him and Drink-Near-My-Office man so “this isn’t gonna work”. His voice note trails off with: “You met him near ______ – I think I’m gonna leave it there…”

Why did I instantly feel like I had done something wrong? And why did I feel this man was annoyed at me?

By some sheer coincidence (ahem), the Drink-Near-My-Office man drops me a text asking how I am, noticing I haven’t been that chatty (it had been a day or so) and asks if I want to see him again. I tell the truth: that there seems to be some issue as he knows a guy I went on a date with a few weeks ago. I told him sorry and let’s avoid hassle and upset so perhaps a second date isn’t wise. He insists there isn’t an issue (I silently begged to differ) but ultimately left it in my court.

One date does not a commitment make. Nor does having one date with someone give you a holdover who they then date. And how are we to know who knows who when we’re chatting to total strangers online?

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

4 Comments Add yours

  1. Kat says:

    Definitely odd behavior from someone who you aren’t committed to and a hard Red Card on him.

    Like

  2. missy says:

    I agree. I have no experience online dating but that sounds very odd behaviour and not what you want. The second guy should have been honest too. Even if there wasn’t an issue from his side he could have elaborated to show he was invested. Missy x

    Like

  3. naughty nora says:

    Personally, I feel the first guy was being much too possessive… you’d only met each other one time! At that point, you are still free to be dating however many people you want to. This is definitely a red flag.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, completely agree. And he sounded very pissed off I went on a date with the second bloke. Red flag number two. X

      Liked by 1 person

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