Catfishing is part and parcel of online dating, but what happens when someone does more than just post a younger, more flattering photo of themselves or lies about their age? How might someone con a love interest into parting with their cash? And does this really happen these days?

Sadly yes. Skilled romance scammers know how to pick a target and they don’t always only prey on people “desperate” for love.

What is dating or romance fraud?

With online dating now being a reputable way to meet someone, many online scammers hide in plain sight. No longer relegated to the corners of dodgy internet dating from the 1990s, the availability of online dating apps makes it far easier for scammers to con genuine people looking for love.

Dating or romance fraud is when one person invests a substantial amount of effort to trick another into believing they’re someone they’re not. Typically, the scammer builds the victim’s trust over time, convinces them they’re in a genuine relationship and then invents an emotive reason why the victim should send the scammer money. Other times, the scammer gains enough personal information about their victim to ultimately steal their identity.

The longevity of this dating scam is what makes it so vicious. The scammer can go to extraordinary lengths to make their victim believe they are who they say they are. They may send flowers after supposed home addresses are shared or they may divulge heartwrenching sob stories to seem vulnerable and lovable. Sometimes, this dating scam doesn’t raise alarm bells until too late.

Signs you may be talking to an online dating scammer

• You haven’t met the person IRL yet
• They keep making excuses about why can’t meet or have a video call: they live abroad, work on an oil rig or in the military, are travelling for an extensive amount of time, etc.
• You feel committed towards them without having met them
• They tell you about their unwell family member who’s desperately seeking urgent, expensive medical care. Or they need urgent repairs to their home that they can’t afford and are scared they’ll be destitute. They might promise to visit you if only you could send them the money to pay for the ticket or visa…
• They’ve enquired about your finances or requested you send them money to help. Most scammers will tell you how to send them the money, making it oh-so-easy for you.
• They ask very personal questions which seem out of place in a dating context, e.g. your mother’s maiden name, the road you grew up on, the name of your first pet, and your birthday. These questions tend to provide access to online banking or accounts

How to avoid being scammed online

• Be wary of any requests for money and people who ask you to keep your online relationship with them a secret
• Don’t share your bank details, transfer money, take a loan out for someone else, share copies of personal legal documents,
• Check to see if the online dating profile is fake
• Ask friends or family for advice if you’re unsure

If you suspect you’re the victim of dating scamming

• Cease communicating with the swindler. Delete their online connection, block their profile or number if you’ve taken communication off the app
• Seek advice from a trusted friend or family member
• Run a reverse image search of the person’s profile picture. Is it a stock image? Do the results look very different from the details they’ve given you?
• Google their job title and the word “scammer” to see if anyone else has fallen victim to this person’s fraud. Forums such as Reddit can be a good place to start
• If you’ve already transferred money, contact your bank to explain that you sent funds to a scammer and request a refund. Report it to a national crime-stopping organisation, such as Action Fraud and inform the online dating platform you encountered the scammer on

Photo by Sander Sammy on Unsplash