A Friend Set Us Up – It Didn’t Work Out

Last month, a friend told me she had a great friend she’d like to set me up with.  He was single, too, and she felt our personalities would fit and we’d get along well.

A first date coffee was arranged and while I considered cancelling because I was interested in someone else, I’m glad I didn’t because he ghosted me.  The date was fun and chilled and I noticed he looked similar to my ex.  “Of course he does!  You have a type – that’s why I set you up with him,” my friend said on the phone afterwards.  I left the date beaming.  He seemed like a genuinely nice guy, ticked a lot of boxes and was friendly and chatty, albeit nervous.  He mainly spoke about himself but we had a common interest in travel and a mutual friend, so we bonded over these topics.

A few days after our coffee date, we had a pub date, which turned into dinner.  We talked about his flat purchase, job, degree, travel plans, spontaneity and his ideas for a fun weekend. He generously paid for dinner, which was lovely and we enjoyed an after-dinner drink.  The cab home was cute as we played with each other’s fingers and we had a little kiss when we parted ways outside my house.

We messaged every day when I was in Ibiza and we had another coffee date when I touched base in Brighton before jetting off again to Rhodes the next day.  We continued to message every day when I was in Rhodes.

There was no agony of waiting for a message from him; he was interested and that felt obvious.  I didn’t need to stress about blue ticks or ignored messages.  There was no game playing; we responded when we could – immediately if our phones were in our hands.

When I arrived home, we went to the cinema which was a good excuse to be a little more handsy.  We had hoped to go for dinner afterwards, but it was 11 PM so I asked if he wanted to come back to mine.  We had wonderful sex and I was beginning to really like you.

A few days later, we had another dinner date.  I had a stressful day at work and wanted to talk about it but it seemed he didn’t want to listen.  Instead, he spoke about his education and upbringing and I could barely get a word in edgeways.  At times, he asked, “So tell me about you.”  Vague statements like this make it hard to know what to say; it felt like a default statement when he realised he had talked at me for half an hour.

I was starting to feel fed up but then we had a lovely evening at his.  He cooked for me, he asked me questions and we engaged in conversation.  We played card games and listened to my favourite music.  He walked me home and I could genuinely see us developing into boyfriend and girlfriend.  This was short-lived because our next date was at a comedy show then dinner.  I laughed my head off at the comedy show but didn’t giggle over dinner.

Then the sex turned bad.  I was disengaged and put no effort in.  I even told him to stop and get off, which isn’t a good sign.

Polly Vernon says you should never indulge a man who doesn’t listen or ask questions and prompt back.  Fortunately, we have ended on good terms – he noticed something was missing too.

What our almost-relationship has taught me is that I’m not desperate for a boyfriend.  It is better to be on my own than with the wrong person.

Photo by Chevanon Photography on Pexels.

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