Dear You,

The summer was confusing. I missed you and you confessed you still loved me.

We nearly met up to see if we could rekindle things. We didn’t meet – thank God. Being friends wasn’t going to happen, was it? At least not yet. And anyway, I was seeing someone (admittedly I wasn’t as invested as I would have liked to have been) but even if I wasn’t, the residual feelings we had would have ruined any glimpse of a platonic relationship. Then we had our phone call. That was bad, wasn’t it? You annoyed me so much.   know I was in the wrong for inviting then uninviting you, and I get that you laid your heart on the line and then retracted it because I might have dumped you again. And you were right. I was willing to give it another shot, knowing we could break up again if it didn’t quite work out. Not my finest hour…

Then we stopped talking again. Total silence for a few months. Even when I was in hospital I didn’t hear from you.

That was shit. It annoyed me and upset me.

You were with me throughout the year I was undergoing tests and finding out what was wrong, which is why I dropped you a text the other day letting you know the operation went well. The messaging back and forth was lovely. I hated our silence and I got the impression you didn’t like it either. Our drink on Friday was fun, too – weird but fun. By 10:00 PM we called it a night. Thanks for walking me home. It was lovely when you called up to see if you could pop in and chill for a little longer. Sorry I had to say no, it really was because my parents wouldn’t have been amused.

Then our dinner on Wednesday was pretty cool. You were awkward about me paying, weren’t you? But I did say I would (and I always paid in our relationship, so it wasn’t new). I know it was weird when we were talking about the guy I like and who I’m also sleeping with, but we were trying to be friends. And actually, having a male’s opinion was helpful. P.S. – I’m glad you’re over your dry spell.

Your suggestion of going for a drink after wasn’t your best move – we both knew who’d have to pay. But, I admit, we had fun again. Of course, we were flirting because we have great chemistry, and – like we said – when our relationship was good it was really good. There was so much to talk about! We were the last ones out of the bar at closing time!

But I’m frustrated with you again. Why? Because we mainly only spoke about you. Your main topic of interest is yourself. And because I care about you, and am polite, I asked you questions about yourself. How many questions do you think you asked me about myself? Probably around five over the entire evening.

I’m glad things are well with you. I realise that I don’t miss you, I miss the boyfriend experience. I’m happy to be friends, but can make the effort too, please?

Love,

Me.

Xxx

Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash.