Love and Lust in Lockdown: An education.

Lockdown has got many of us feeling hot under the collar and frisky between the sheets.  To find out how lockdown has impacted our love and lusting, I’m getting intimate with interviews.


Seb, 33.

What is your relationship status?



Describe your love-life in one word.



Who have you been quarantining with?

Family and friends.


Has the lockdown impacted your sex life, if so – how?

Yes; it has changed the Who, How, Why, When and What.

Who: Due to the lack of connection from the organic nature of pre-virus life, I’m now talking to people that I may not have been attracted to previously.  I’ve found myself matching with interesting people [on apps] just because.  I’ve also not wasted my time chasing people who are really attractive but who don’t engage in conversation because I was so enthralled by the fascinating people.

How: I haven’t been physically dating.  My online dating matches increased, most matches were more available to communicate with longer texts and more depth to our discussions.  There seems to be this system: text for two weeks, swap pictures (it becomes sexually-orientated), a phone call, texts continue, FaceTime, messages peak with sexual content and then the conversation returns to building friendship and someone offers to meet.  I wasted around one week of my time and six weeks of my energy talking to someone I had never met, feeling some sort of real feelings, to then meeting them and feeling absolutely nothing – no connection, no spark… I communicated that in a very positive, empathetic and sincere way… the person was emotionally affected as if we were going through a breakup… I have since been deleted and blocked as I was told that being friends wasn’t enough.

When: Previously, from the point of matching on the app to a meeting in person would be between one day and one week.  In the depths of lockdown, we didn’t know when we could meet matches – even now there is still a fear and uncertainty amongst people.  I have also spent days texting and getting to know people digitally; my screen time was up 300%… I have pictures of people’s pets and dinners on my phone that I’ve just lost touch with… There is always someone that wants to talk, people seem to want to text all the time and send pictures and voice notes.

Where: When getting close to new people is a ‘no-no’, the logistics of meeting people is tricky.  I’ve experienced a pattern of kinky texts whilst masturbating and it’s replaced semi-regular sex in some way.  People want their fix… it builds in the mind over time and can be sparked by a picture, a suggestion and messages can be quite intensely sexual.

Why: During this period, I’ve developed and imagined new scenarios, new dynamics, collected temporary fantasies… some are here to stay until experienced and some have already been forgotten.  So my ‘why’ has been extended; I have more niche kinks.  To allow these to become a reality they have to be compatible with someone else that shares that interest.


Have any of your desires/fantasies changed during the lockdown?

Hell yes.  With all this free time and the taboo of not being allowed to meet people, it has driven my imagination and sex drive CRAZY.  From the type of porn I watch, the way I masturbate, what kinks exist – I’ve educated myself, reflected and experimented.  I’ve learnt my needs, boundaries and desires, I understand them and me.  This makes me more confident, more primal and more effective.


Describe your lockdown experience in three words.

Educational.  Fruitful.  Incredible!


What have you missed the most about ‘normal life’?

The gym, working out, being swamped by the dogs, the kids in the family and the lack of privacy in general breaks my focus.  I also have a fetish for female gym attire and I’m attracted to independent women who smash their goals in life.


What coping mechanisms have you adopted during the lockdown?

I don’t ‘cope’ with anything in life.  If you have coped through lockdown you assume and live by the impression it’s negative.  I’ve thrived because I’ve learnt, grown, developed and adapted.  When we cope, we don’t focus on the opportunities.  Regardless of a distinct lack of sex, 2020 has already made it into my Top 5 Favourite Years.


Has the pandemic changed the way you approach love and romantic relationships?

100% yes.  I already held a very open-minded and untraditional sense of relationships.  I learn and adapt every single day – pandemic or normal life.  I now believe I’m smart enough to know where my time was wasted, how to ethically market myself, what to look for, what to say and when; it’s made me socially and digitally intelligent.  Going forward, I will approach my love life and sex life even more openly, more honestly and more directly.


What are your hopes for love after lockdown?

When anything is possible, there is no need for hope… I will experience whatever I experience, safely, consensually, and most importantly, happily.


Image by nile from Pixabay

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